The Joys Of Home Ownership

Until I bought a house, I never was a carpenter. Or an electrician, or a plumber. That's what I told the real plumber as he worked in my bathroom.

Again with the toilet-- it was leaking from the wax seal, so time to replace it again. Perhaps I didn't fasten it down tight enough last time, for fear of cracking the toilet. Perhaps I'm just too fat. Hmmm. Didn't fasten it tight enough. So off to Lowe's, and a super-heavy-duty wax ring. Drained the tank, turning my hands blue in the process, and took it off. Meantime I am also doing laundry while Sue is at work, so I then have to scrub my hands clean while I fold. Then back to the toilet.

Off with the base, scrub off the old wax, and-- hey! the flange is cracked! The flange, which is plastic, sits on the drainpipe and is fastened to the floor; the toilet bolts to it, with "johnny bolts." One johnny bolt hole in the flange is cracked; with it like that the toilet will always rock, and the seal will always break. A quick investigation shows the flange replacement to be beyond my capabilities, so a call to the plumber (Roto-Rooter: 24/7 service: I did try a local first) is in order.

The plumber estimates a $600 repair, knocked down to $400 since I already removed the toilet. Luckily we can access the drainpipe from the basement. Luckily we have another full bath downstairs, since he came back on Monday to do the repair, cutting the drainpipe and installing a fitting to aid in future replacement if necessary. The metal flange seemed kind of flimsy, so we went with a plastic one again, a bit sturdier than the original. It took him two hours. $400 seemed reasonable to me, parts and labor.

But the great thing is, at some point I had wanted to replace our toilet, but have the new one professionally installed just to make sure it was done right: here was my chance. Only $89 at Lowe's with a serendipitous $10 coupon for a elongated (fat, remember?) high (16.5"-- kitchen chair-height) low-flush efficiency toilet. I was leery of the low-flush bit; that usually means you have to flush twice, but reading the reviews online it seemed this one was okay. And it is! Remarkable. The acid test still remains: my 6-year-old grand-niece, who clogged the old toilet at least once on each visit.

The old toilet is sitting in my garage, adding to the pile of stuff-to-take-to-the-dump-someday. Sue didn't like my idea of turning it into a planter.

$500. Even after my tax refund came in, I am no longer flush.